At the height of summer, no one wants to be reminded about going back to school time, certainly not kids. But this is actually the best time to establish bedtime routines that will prevent stress later. “Many parents find evenings the most stressful time of the day, and children report that’s when parents are most likely to shout at them,” says Lorraine Thomas, founder of the International Parent Coaching Academy, a global firm that delivers coaching and seminars to clients including Goldman Sachs and Disney, and author of books including The 7 Day Parent Coach and Super Coach Arty vs. The Shadow: Stress Management Tips for Children.
Good bedtime habits can be established in seven days if you do them calmly, confidently, and consistently,” Thomas tells Thrive. In a survey of 1,000 working parents, Thomas found that screens and stress are the biggest obstacles to a good night’s sleep. “But when parents make simple changes, nine out of 10 say it makes a significant difference,” she says, like more energy and increased resilience in kids.
“Can bedtimes be completely stress free? Of course not,” says Fiona Barwick, Ph.D., director of the Sleep & Circadian Health Clinic at Stanford University School of Medicine’s Sleep Medicine Center. But if you start with clear and consistent bedtime routines early on — which can include baths, music, and stories — you can establish good habits. “Ages 0 to 6 is a critical period in our development when we’re absorbing information, so we’re going to replicate early behaviors unconsciously into adulthood,” Barwick tells Thrive. “Evening routines work the same way whether you’re 8 or 68, because we all fall asleep most easily when we feel safe, relaxed, and loved.”
One of the challenges of establishing a family nighttime routine is that often parents get home from work and they’re wiped out, so they don’t even give themselves time to relax. But forfeiting a bedtime ritual could come at a cost. Encouraging kids to get high-quality sleep is not only important for their current vitality, but for the future. “Deep rest is essential for a healthy mind, body and soul,” says Thrive Global’s Sleep Editor-at-Large Shelly Ibach, the president and CEO of Sleep Number. Family bedtime routines is a subject close to her heart: “Helping future generations achieve quality sleep can and will change the world,” she says. “Excellent sleep is essential to a healthier and happier society, strengthening our connections with one another, and expanding the frontier of what’s possible.”
And of course when parents lead the way, it pays off for the whole family. “One dad I worked with, a teacher, told me bedtimes were ‘part joy, part guerilla warfare,’” says Thomas. “Every evening in their house was a battle, but he was amazed that once he set the challenge of establishing an evening routine, things were much more calm — and fun.”
Here are four expert-backed steps to a successful bedtime for the whole family.
1. Let your kids choose their favorite bedtime activities
Involve your children in the decision-making so bedtime feels less like a struggle and more like a fun activity. Give them a (limited) choice in the process, too, recommends Thomas. Say: “Do you want to brush your teeth first or put on pajamas?” Get into the habit of saying “when” and “then” rather than “if you don’t … you can’t.” For example: “When you have brushed your teeth, then we can read bedtime stories.”
Barwick advises making your child’s bedroom a secure, peaceful refuge and choosing three or four quiet, calming activities that kids and parents can both look forward to. One should be reading aloud, which promotes imagination and creativity, and a sense of connection between parent and child, says Barwick, who recommends the Llama Llama series by Anna Dewdney for reading aloud. “The mood during your bedtime routine should be, ‘The day is done. We can finally spend time together doing the things we all enjoy,’” says Barwick.
Rewards can also be used to cultivate positive behaviors, so if the kids are struggling a bit, you can give them an extra story or additional cuddle time or a special bath, Barwick says.
Originally published on July 12, 2019 on Thrive Global.
Read full article on Thrive Global.